A Celebrar
Balgue, Isla de Ometepe, Nicaragua
They say,
“You can’t fill from an empty cup”
But does anyone know how to fill theirs?
Does anyone know how to fill themselves with something that is genuinely nourishing to the soul & spirit?
Our lights have dimmed.
Our spirits have sunk.
Our souls have become corroded.
All because we are empty inside.
We either know not or resist the ancient knowledge that…
it is in tending to the world that swirls within us that we understand that which we are needing, that which we are yearning for, that which we are longing to be.
Long has our inner worlds been darkened. The looming outside world dims its light & brilliance, our light & brilliance, at a very young & malleable age. Our inherent way of being, of living, of feeling is crushed by the pressures of the world that close in on us, extinguishing our natural impulses, silencing our voices.
Our innerworld darkens, but it does not disappear. It need only illumination from a noble torch of undying embers passed along its corridors, to see what is there. Once seen, we cannot forget. This is no mere scene we are happening upon, but a re-membrance of who we dismembered from ourselves. We see old parts of ourselves with touching nostalgia, perhaps laced with feelings of grief or rage or some other less-than-desired feeling, but nonetheless recognized as a part of our whole.
We see the tourniquets that have bled us dry from life, tied forcibly to forget damage done, or to kill of a natural piece of our essence that made us vulnerable to attack.
When we hold that torch up to illuminate our inner world, we see the holes, the bleakness, & the shattered glass, we understand this desolation is what has kept us starving, ever searching, grasping out for anything within reach to fill us up.
We understand our deprivation, that nothing around us can fill the bottomless crevasses of our inner world. The loves, the lusts, the items ticked off the daily to-do & annual resolution lists do not resonate within us. They fall flat, giving us a fleeting moment of satiation at best. We understand why they haven’t filled up.
The starkness of our inner landscape bears a gift in that it shows us what wants to be planted. To touch our innermost parts is to know our innermost being and, thus, what it yearns for. It means we know ourselves & our souls.
we cannot hope to give to others that which we cannot give ourselves.
When we think of helping the world, of elevating man & womankind, when we think of being of service, we must first know, believe, & understand
It all starts within.
It is in radiating the loveliness of our soul that we are able to ignite change in the world.
All lights have potent attraction powers. To radiate oneself is to light up the world and, more so, to inspire others to do the same. It is from this sovereign place that the act of giving is more an act of overflow. When we love ourselves so much, have so much grace & compassion for our own humanness, it uncontrollably & unconditionally spills unto others.
What we’re left with is moving through the world from a place of true unadulterated love.
“as within, so without”
Many of us have a tendency to base our value as a person upon how much we gave to others. We can go many years, decades, our whole lives, like that, but it comes at a cost. When we tourniquet our needs, our self expression & the like, we bleed ourselves dry — of finances, of our precious resources, & of our vital essence.
While there is an inherent reciprocity woven into the fabric of relationships, our value & what we give must always come from a natural place & space of abundant love. If we give when we are empty, we will bleed out. We may grow mad from malnourishment or resentful from the one-sidedness of it all, but we will burnout, wipeout, and pass out.
If we let it go so far.
While we’ve shifted gears amidst this knowing, there still remains an unknowing in which direction to go. We’ve become so estranged to ourselves that we don’t know what it is that truly will fill that hole within us that led us to search outwardly to fill it. The water & bubbles of a bath drain with it the attempt of indulgence & self-care. The wallet empties with our happiness that we thought some material thing could be.
We must be patient & wise to know that which brings us true nourishment. It is that which sustains us for long periods of times, that which pats down foundation upon the hole that once laid at our feet. To fill oneself means to see the glory that is within our existence. To see the journey as the journey and everything it took for us to make it through. To recognize the faith we sustained, the anxiety we calmed, the strength we mustered, & the courage we roared. All the while holding onto that which has true value for us.
We may glean wisdom from others who give clues as to what may fill us, but it really is a task allotted solely to ourselves.
It was 6 years ago that I vowed to give myself the world. One sacred promise I’ve kept is a yearly birthday trip to honor that which makes my heart sing. It always leads me off the beaten path toward adventure, somewhere where I can enjoy & be proud of the thousands of hours spent mastering Spanish. I give my rigid routine a rest and throw my hair & caution to the wind. I go where my soul prickles with curiosity, a place steeped in nature so raw it sings its origins.
This year, I celebrate life with the land of fire & water: Nicaragua.
They say you can’t fill from an empty cup. Do you know how to fill yours?
